Loss of a Brother

I have been asked by my mother to say something at my brother's memorial.
He was 44 years old and on the wrong path. He gambled, did drugs, drank, etc... He was murdered by a gang.

A little back ground. When my father passed away about 7 years ago he moved in with my Mother and took care of her. He did everything from running errands to helping her flip a house.

I was not very close to him. We grew apart as kids. There were numerous attempts by him to reconnect, but I kept my distance. I did not want the headaches associated with my brother. I did not want him to bring his bad habits/examples into my household.
I feel extremely guilty about his passing. I classify myself as a Christian, but I did not reach to help when he needed it the most. My family lives a across the country from me, I used this excuses to avoid the family gathers.

My Mother, brother and sister even kept the problems they were having from me. I was in shocked when I found out about all the issues. They knew I had a good life and did not want to cause me worry or stress.

When it was just him and I we had a good time, most of the time. When I was little he was my protector. When we got older the roles changed drastically. I joined the military and it taught me how to deal with life from a very structured point of view. His life was pure chaos and mine was very orderly. That is one of the reason we had such difficulty reconnecting.

I want to say something about my short falls as a servant of Christ and a brother. I want to turn it around so everyone listening will reach and reconnect with other family members. Our family (uncles, aunts, cousins) used to be very close. Now we see each other only at funerals. Some of them even look down on my brother because the path he took.

I know that I am rambling, but I'm not sure what you need to know to help.


Scott

I have used this poem several times when conducting funerals for situations similar to that of your brother's.
I am sorry but I dont know the author - but it is a wonderful poem


Pray don't find fault

Pray don't find fault with the man who limps
or stumbles along the road,
unless you have worn the shoes he wears
or struggled beneath his load.
There may be tacks in his shoes that hurt,
though hidden away from view,
or the burden he bears, placed on your back
might cause you to stumble too.
Don't sneer at the man who's down today
unless you have felt the blow
that caused his fall or felt the shame
that only the fallen know.
You may be strong, but still the blows
that were his if dealt to you,
in the selfsame way, at the selfsame time,
might cause you to stagger too.
Don't be too harsh with the man who sins
or pelt him with word or stone,
unless you are sure, yea, doubly sure,
that you have no sins of your own
for you know perhaps if the tempter's voice
should whisper as softly to you
as it did to him when he went astray,
it might cause you to stumble too.

Peter Wyllie - Independent Celebrant