Call Centre Jokes - for a bit of light relief

Tech Support: "We're providing the registered version of Netscape. Netscape charges us, so we have to charge you."

Customer: "Well, my son is a socialist and I spent a year in Spain.
What do you have to say to that?"

Rail Enquiries

Operator: "If you can get your feet in the sink, then its free."
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This is rather an old one, that has been around for a few years, but is one of my personal favourite jokes.

Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Tech: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Tech: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Tech: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

Tech: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Directory Enquiries

Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."
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Here is a funny story that I found on another web site

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you,
is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone
call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to
be as irritating to them as they were to me. This particular call
happened to be from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes
thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the
phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked
up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours
a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, Sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's
amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay US 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this
in the Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, Sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for...
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.

At this point I begin trying to finish my dinner.

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me (with mouth full of food): Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes, Sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
Me: No, but I was wondering -- do you have that "friends and family" thing? Because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
AT&T: (*Click*)

All of these call centre jokes have been sent in by our readers over the past few months. If you know of any funny jokes or stories, please drop us a line and we'll publish it here.

More Call Centre Jokes

Rail Enquiries

Directory Enquiries